Okay, I had quite a scare this week. It all started with a notice posted Tuesday morning to the public bulletin board down on the first floor of my building. I was at work at the time, but it registered dimly on my radar as I passed it later that night. However, after an exhausting day of mind-numbing manual labor, I was more determined to collapse in an exhausted heap on my bed than read the darn thing, so I didn't find out what it said until the next morning.

So, somewhere around 9:30a.m., I was jolted from sleep by a loud knocking on my door. Still somewhat groggy and obviously not thinking straight, I rolled out of bed, quickly threw on some clothes, shuffled through the living room (passing right by Pest, who was lounging on the couch watching "Live with Regis and Kelly" in plain sight of the door), and swung the door open a crack. I was met with the grizzled countenance of my cranky landlord. Not a pleasant way to start the day, believe you me. I innocently asked him what he was doing there, at which he started going off about how nobody read his notes, and why did he bother, etc., etc. Anyways, it seemed that one of the other residents in the building had complained about some odd noises keeping them up at night, and now my landlord was inspecting the place from top to bottom to find the cause, at which point he started to push his way into my apartment. Now, even in my early morning stupor, I could figure out that my landlord discovering a monster on the premises meant immediate eviction, regardless of whether or not said monster was the cause of the disturbance (I did after all, sign a lease forbidding pets of any kind). I quickly blocked his entrance and abruptly slammed the door shut in his face.

In a panic, I rushed over to Pest and tried to pull him off the couch, but he wouldn't budge. He just craned his head past me to watch as Regis invited fitness guru Richard Simmons on stage (that would have had *me* off the couch and running straight for the other room). I begged and pleaded to no effect as my impatient landlord started pounding on the door again. Flustered, I yanked the TV off the stand (relax, people, it's a tiny 13" set) and ran into the other room, which had Pest off the couch and after me in a flash. I made straight for the closet, shoving the TV as far back as it would go. The pounding at the door soon gave way to angry grumbling and the rattling of keys as my landlord lost his limited patience altogether. Pest bowled past me and into the closet after his beloved TV set, and I had just enough time to slam the doors shut behind him before my landlord unlocked the front door and stormed into my place in a foul mood.

We faced each other like two cowboys in an old western. However, it was not a tumbleweed that broke the silence, but a sudden and relentless ringing from my landlord's belt... his pager going mad with an urgent request from the tenant who had started the whole mess, claiming that she was hearing the noises at that very moment. With a scowl, my landlord called her on his cell and promised to be right down to her place to investigate. As he turned to go, he shot me a glare as if to say I was lucky this time. And then he was gone. My strength and resolve spent, I released my iron grip on the closet door and a big ball of Pest tumbled onto me.

Although I paced the floor in anxiety for the rest of the day, my landlord didn't return, so I can only assume he found the real culprit elsewhere. However, the whole incident has put me rather on edge. Guess I'll have to be more careful in the future (or find a place that's "monster-friendly").

Okay, I didn't actually see your landlord during the entire incident, so for all I know it was just an elaborate joke on me, like that cartoon where Bugs Bunny pretends to be harried by a police officer while he's being held hostage by two mafia goons.

And for the record, Richard Simmons is a wonderful man who's helped countless people lose weight and feel great.

Talk about adding insult to injury... I should have known better than to click on that Richard Simmons link.

Pest, you are evil incarnate.

I try.